I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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