i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
