She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
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Do I have a choice?
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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