I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
