is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and she was petting her beer can
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
