This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
