Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
