I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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