eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
