why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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