the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Found your dick twin last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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