i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
