if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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