Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
