Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were destined to go to rehab together
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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