I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
