the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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