Yo dont text me then not text me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
