Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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