the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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