I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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