How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
