I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
