she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
