im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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