There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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