I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
