I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
