Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
