Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Semen is not good for contacts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
