Got a toothbrush?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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