I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
