Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
