hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
