you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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