im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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