Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
