I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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