On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
