Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
