the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
