the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
