Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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