Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
