There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
