A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
