i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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