oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
