I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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