now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
