I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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