is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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