apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
