I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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