Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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