why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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