Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
