Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
