i think i have herpe
just one?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
