i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
