do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
