Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
