Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
