Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
