I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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