***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
