standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
